Why Love Triangles are Stupid (and Barely Even Real)

In case you haven’t heard yet, Cassandra Clare released her final installment in the Mortal Instruments series last week – City of Heavenly Fire. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m not sure you’ll quite understand the majority of this post, but feel free to keep reading if you are interested in my opinions on the stupid term “love triangle”. I should say right now that there are minor spoilers about various teen fiction novels in this post, but nothing that would change your experience of any of the stories – for example, NEWS FLASH! Edward loves Bella. Jacob also loves Bella. Bella loves both of them. See –  you knew that already, didn’t you?

Continue reading “Why Love Triangles are Stupid (and Barely Even Real)”

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From Rapunzel with Love

Near the end of November, my roommate and I hosted a Murder Mystery Party. Our mystery was called “Once Upon a Murder“, and boy did everyone go all in for it. You can read more about it in her post Everything is More Fun in Costume if you want to find out about how to plan and host a party like this one. Today on Yukon Girl in the World, one of the guests at the Grand Ball, Rapunzel, offered to write a guest blog post about her experience at the event (don’t read ahead if you don’t want spoilers on this particular murder mystery!!). So here it is – enjoy!

As soon as I saw the flyers for the Grand Ball, and heard the rumours that the Prince was looking for a new bride, I knew that it had to be me. You see, I knew Cinderella was never coming back. She was missing because she wanted to be missing.

I dressed in my ball gown best and arrived early so that I could judge all of my competition as they entered, as well as scope out my future residence, the palace. 

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The room looked amazing, except for the fact that Cinderella’s face was posted everywhere for all to see, on “MISSING” posters around the room. The last thing I needed was for Prince Charming to be reminded about his beloved wife. Cinderella’s grieving step-sister and godmother, Griselda and Felicity, were in attendance for the evening despite their despair and just kept bringing her up! That I could have done without.

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Guests began to arrive and most were punctual, though Aladdin did arrive fashionably late. Word on the street is that Aladdin has a harem of wives, so I’m sure he just got caught up with one of them before arriving at the Ball with his one official wife, Jasmoor. Rumpelstiltskin and Gram spent far too much time primping in the lavatory before joining the festivities – don’t they know that one should arrive at a Ball ready to impress?

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Speaking of impressing, I was sure to make myself known to the handsome Prince Charming as soon as I could. We will make such a cute couple, don’t you think?

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And his palace is beautiful, not to mention it has many bedrooms and bathrooms – I’m sure I can find a use for them all. The square footage will be quite a step up from the tower I currently own. I spent far too many years trapped there to want to return anytime soon. Aside from that, my tower has been… occupied… for the past little while, so it is useless anyhow.

The Prince’s attention was in high demand, so I had to watch as all the other women in the room spoke with him. That poor Hansel spent his time pursuing my affections, but I have told him time and time again that I would never consider him until he has a suitable place to live, without his sister Gretel there to take up space. He definitely needs to speak to Hamlet – or perhaps Gretel does. That Hamlet is quite the realtor, though he was not able to sell my tower before it went off the market. You can follow him on Twitter at @oinkrealty.

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I had to take Axe the woodcutter aside during the evening to remind him of his payment due to me for our… arrangement… with my tower. Luckily, he paid up easily – we both have much to lose in this situation. And really, no price is too great for a matter of the heart.

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Belle and Beast looked just fabulous, though there are whispers about the Beast running off into the woods a little too often, and I hear that Belle is suspicious. I do hope things work out for them as I think they are a lovely couple.

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The Prince gave so much particular attention throughout the evening to that Red – I do not like that girl. I did quite like her red lace hood, though I’m not sure it was Ball-appropriate wear. She was skipping around the room and offering cookies to all, but I could see that she only gave the Prince cookies out of one side of the basket. I knew right away there was something up with that. Red confessed later that she had used a special “love potion” type recipe for those cookies in an attempt to snare the Prince. I personally think that she should just settle for that wolf that is after her affections, Teeth. Who cares if he spent the evening drinking something that looked suspiciously like blood, or if tried to eat her once? He loves her now.

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Snow White was also one of the Prince’s favourites. I still can’t believe she showed up to the ball in such a colourful outfit – red, yellow, and blue! A queen should dress in a fashionable way, not in one that results in an assault on the eyes. Her outfit condemned her from being the Prince’s choice.

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That being said, I suppose I should not speak ill of the dead. For Snow White is that – dead! If you have not already heard the most scandalous news in the kingdom, Snow White was murdered at the Grand Ball. The night was ruined, all because of some dwarf named Herb – it was one of her own henchmen who became Snow’s demise. Quite awkward for Nosy the Dwarf, really, as he conducted the investigation after the tragic event occurred.

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They say that Herb murdered Snow because she was trying to keep he and his true love, Gretel, apart. Poor Gretel spent the rest of the evening just trying to understand! It is such a shame, what happened to Snow. But I can’t say that having her out of the way made my pursuit of the Prince’s affections more difficult. Because of this tragedy, the Prince refused to announce his choice for queen at the Ball, so I will await the next opportunity to be named. I simply cannot wait to move into the palace!

Love Rapunzel